FROM LONELINESS TO SOLITUDE
Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of losing
a loved one is the awful sense of having been left alone. The loss
of the presence, the personality, the person with whom we had blended
so well leaves an acute sense of loneliness. It is easy to feel lost,
abandoned even, with no idea where to go. All sense of purpose seems
to have evaporated. We feel very much like a ship without a rudder,
and the seas do not feel like friendly seas at all. It is hard to
keep going, to even try at times like these. Yet we know we must,
and so we do with the hope that one day we will be able to make sense
out of it all.
While loneliness can seem formidable, it is not inescapable, and it
can indeed become our friend. Being alone gives us the time we need
to get in touch with ourself. To listen to our deep needs. To nourish
our soul. Being alone provides the space we need to find the route
that goes within so we can hear the things that can only be heard
in the deep silence of our soul. Loneliness is a fertile arena for
growth, for introspection, for reflection. There is no denying our
attention has been captured. Whether we like it or not, this is new
territory and explore it we must, for that is the only way out. So
we begin, hesitantly, a step at a time, climbing, stumbling, perhaps
even falling. As we move through this new terrain we discover, step
by hesitant step, new vistas, new meanings, new purpose in life.
In the process, we may find ourselves weighing things which perhaps
we have not thought about for a long time. What is it that really
matters? What is it that gives meaning and purpose to our life? Where
can we find hope for the future, or even the desire to go on? These
are all things we ponder as we work through the process, as we gain
a toehold on the mountain we now must climb.
Change does force us to look at life through a different prism. When
it does, priorities get rearranged. What we thought was important
before may not seem to matter now at all, while things we may not
have thought about for a long time loom quite large in front of us.
It's a balancing process really, weighing this against that as we
seek to find what rings true within us. Even our beliefs may change.
What we had thought before may not seem quite so in these new surroundings.
The nature of our reality has taken on new proportions. Our insight
does, too, bringing us to new horizons which we feel impelled to explore.
It is very much an interior process, a spiritual journey that can
lead us into the deepest part of our being.
Yes, this may be the winter of our soul, but even though all may seem
barren and empty, it is very much a fertile time, a time of preparation,
a seed-planting time in the inner recesses of our being. As we enter
into the process of self-discovery, new ideas and new concepts begin
to surface. New insights beckon from some distant horizon. Gradually
we find ourself letting go of the past as we enter into this new season
of our lives.
In coming to understand ourself better, we begin to understand others
better also. We become more aware of their pain, their sorrow, their
grief. We are more aware of our shared humanity, of our common goals
and dreams. As this awareness grows, so does the desire to reach out.
Their pain becomes our pain even as their joy is our joy. It is then
we find we really were never alone. It only seemed so. Our sense of
connectedness has changed, but it has not grown less. It has become
more. It has broadened, and through the very nature of our struggle,
it has also become enriched.
True, things will never be the same, nor would we have come this way
by choice. Yet having found ourself in this place, this new place,
this growing place, over the passage of time we begin to make friends
with it. The space with which we once struggled, which once seemed
so empty becomes for us an arena of possibility, a place where potential
can be explored. It affords us a time to rest, to heal, to renew ourself
as we prepare for whatever direction our journey now must take.
In the process, our transformation begins. Without ever really knowing
it, changes occur within us. Our sense of identity becomes more clear,
and as the emotional fog we have been in begins to lift, so also does
a new sense of direction begin to appear. Gradually the loneliness,
the emptiness which once seemed so acute becomes transformed. The
quiet becomes a haven. The silence becomes our sanctuary. We begin
to welcome the times when we can go within, when we can retreat from
all that is in the outer and simply rest in the peace we have learned
to find within us.
Solitude, then, becomes the gift that springs from seeds of loneliness,
that grows in the fertile soil that grief creates. It is the beginning
of a new way of life as we embrace a clearer sense of identity, a
broader sense of purpose, a deeper sense of connection with all people.
Now we know that while forms may change, life itself does not end.
Even though separation may seem to have occurred, relationships are
still in tact. All is not lost, only changed.
If we are patient, then, our loneliness changes into a healing space.
Within that space solitude emerges. As it does, we discover we need
never look very far for our answers, for they are within us. They
are the truth of our being, kept safely for us in our deepest heart
of hearts. They do indeed reveal themselves to us through the peace,
the love, the presence, and yes, even the joy we find as we return
time and again to the sanctuary of our soul.
Whether we know it or not, even whether we will admit it or not, solitude
does feed our soul. In solitude we get in touch with ourself where
we can tap into our deepest thoughts and feelings. In solitude we
find out what's going on inside us. Until we've done that, how can
we know where we are going, or even where we want to go?
Truly, embracing solitude is a gift we can give ourself - a gift that
allows us to be with ourself, to really get to know and appreciate
ourself so, more than ever before, we can really be ourself. Yes,
be what it is that we are capable of being - being what satisfies
those deep longings inside us.
If you had a whole day of peace and quiet, how would it feel, and
what would you do? What would you think about? What would you be?
Who would you be? Important questions, to be sure, and certainly worth
thinking about. Where else are we going to find the answers we long
for if it isn't within ourself? Oh yes, we all look to others for
our answers, but when we do, isn't it more for confirmation of what
we already inwardly sense to be true?
If these are questions you've been asking yourself, perhaps it is
time to stop and take stock of your situation. What would you like
your life to be like now? Is there something you'd really like to
do? Do you have hopes and dreams that have yet to be fulfilled? This
may be the time to begin pursuing them. What would make life more
meaningful for you now? Is there a passion burning within you, some
long-held desire to accomplish a particular thing, to develop a skill
or a talent? These answers are all in your heart. They are part of
the truth of your being.
If you listen to what your heart is saying, you will find not only
a sense of direction for this new time in your life, but a sense of
purpose as well. You will find the "something" that will
bring new meaning to your days.
Certainly times of change are stretching, learning, growing times.
As we expand in awareness of our nature and our potential, we may
feel excited yet somewhat uneasy with the promise of unlimited growth.
How can we be ready to be more when we are not yet comfortable with
what we are now? It is a question that has no answer, but perhaps
it does not need one, for the process is a gradual one, so subtle
that it happens without our even knowing it. We might just as soon
try to watch the grass grow, but grow it does, and so do we - in just
the right way, and at just the right time.
The process is more a flow than a happening, with no beginning and
no ending. Inner qualities and inner truth just seem to surface in
our being, like bubbles of reality finding release in our consciousness,
emerging into our awareness subtly, unannounced and unexpected. It
is a birthing process really, a becoming so interior in its occurrence
that only in the silence can it creep into our awareness. Indeed,
were we not looking we would never know it was there, but it is there.
It is the stuff of life that molds and shapes us, that brings a new
dynamic into our experience and gives it both meaning and purpose
as we encounter the truths we have been seeking.
In that birthing, subtle and sometimes unseen, is the undeniable need
to let go. Only when we do can the miracle truly happen.
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